Stallman Refuses to Use Nonfree Microwave

After moving into his new house on Monday, free software activist Richard Marx Stallman was happy with his new purchase, except for one thing: the microwave.

Upon checking the model number, Stallman reported that the generic GE microwave was not on the GNU List of Approved Microwaves, and the firmware powering it was not free enough for Stallman’s standards.

“This is outrageous,” Stallman said, during one of his most popular speeches ever on Tuesday with a total of 4 attendees. “We cannot let the government track our microwaves. They could know how much we’re cooking our food! This must be stopped.”

A number of Stallman’s followers have taken to creating “LibreWave”, a GNU/Linux-based custom firmware for Stallman’s microwave. In the meantime, Stallman has taken to stealing pre-microwaved food from grocery stores, as he claims that is more ethical than using nonfree software.

xn--cr8h is a full stack web engineer. According to him, no project is complete without a node_modules folder of over 1GB. His main workstation has 256GB of RAM, like most PCs these days.