Three Conflicting Forks Battle To Overthrow Node.js

Over the past few days, Node.js has split into several forks over ideological disagreements, and former developers have split up into factions to spread their own forks’ names throughout the globe.

Andy Smith, a former software engineer at Node.js, has forked the project as Eyoo.js, “pronounced like ‘EU’ in English”. Smith’s team has been hard at work replacing each instance of “Node” within the code with their own fork’s name. When they’d finished refactoring the variables and file names, they started to tackle the compiled binaries.

“It was hard work”, one of Smith’s refactoring slaves told Nonfree News. “We had to go through the binaries, convert each of them to some kind of encoding, and replace each instance of ‘no’ with ‘ey’, ‘od’ with ‘yo’, and ‘de’ with ‘oo’. Sometimes it seemed a bit pointless, but Andy kept forcing us to go on. Occasionally he would pull out a large stick and threaten anyone who wasn’t doing their work.”

According to Smith, their hard work paid off. “We need to make sure our name is seen in as many places as possible,” he told one of our reporters. “The average source code digger will never know this was a fork of Node.”

In other news, residents of Silicon Valley have noticed Wyenn.js’s name spray painted on Node.js billboards around the area. Wyenn.js, “pronounced like ‘YN’ in English”, was founded by former Node.js web designer and graffiti artist Samuel Bain when he left the company and forked the project. Bain declined to comment.

A third fork has sprouted, named “Geeoh.js”. The fork, “pronounced like ‘lol no generics’ in English”, was founded by Janice C. Lyons, a former cybersecurity analyst for Node.js.

Recently, webmasters have noticed strange behaviour in their sites. Links to the Node.js documentation are now pointing to the Geeoh.js documentation. Images of the Node.js logo have been replaced with the Geeoh.js logo, and links to social media profiles of the Node.js developers are redirecting to Lyons’s Twitter.

The three forks aren’t just competing for widespread names, though. Over the past few days, these forks have received tens of thousands of stars on GitHub, competing for the top spot on the site’s “Trending” page. It’s been a tough battle, and GitHub says it soon may run out of gold star stickers to give to Node.js forks.

The one thing the three forks’ leaders do agree on, however, is “Unstar Node.js.”

“Node.js currently has 40K stars on GitHub,” Lyons explained. “That’s much fewer than any of us, but it’s clear that this number must be reduced to zero so that I may rise into power.”


xn--cr8h is a full stack web engineer. According to him, no project is complete without a node_modules folder of over 1GB. His main workstation has 256GB of RAM, like most PCs these days.